All my life I have allowed external stimuli to define me as a person. The burden of other’s opinions and criticisms have grown till I am now bowed down by the weight of a heavy boulder, that I carry everywhere. First it was my parents and then it became the opinions of sanctimonious aunts and uncles sprouting forth on my abilities, or lack of them. In school, college and university it was my teachers, my fellow students and the system of exams and results that defined my life as a student. On graduation it was society that compared my achievements to my peers, and found me lacking in initiative and drive. With marriage came my wife and in-laws who set their own standards, of what my character and economic worth should be. At work it was my bosses and my peers and the evaluation systems that drove me to despair from becoming the top dog in the pony show. Today I look at the stranger in the mirror and find a zephyr, a bland entity that has become less than nothing in relevance to the universe around me. I have built these protective walls around me, myself; to ward off all the external assaults, and find that I have become a prisoner in my own life.
Nauseated by my inner squalor; I step out for a breath of fresh air, and the vista of the predawn sky draws me by the beauty of the clouds and the rising glow in the east. Encouraged by the beauty I raise my arms to the heavens and shrug this heavy weight off my shoulders. I realize that creation defined me once on birth; and then set me free to become, whatever I want to be. I hear the shackles crack; as I walk on towards the rising sun, and my shoulders no longer droop but are upright again. I feel the vibrancy of the universe in me; and slowly feel the rise of a longing to be free, to live again. I am suddenly alone, and all the other experts and critics I put back in their righteous place. I breathe again the fresh smell of this earth; and hear the birds sing and see the flowers bloom, and my soul awakens to his new day. I resolve to live this day on my own terms; as the life force is still strong and all I need to do is live by my values, and let it explode. I realize that life may be low now, but I am high with new expectations, of what only I can achieve. I resolve to expand this breach in my self-made walls and live freely again; to revitalize myself, and make creation proud for having given me this miraculous chance.
Wow. That’s a quick journey from dark to light that you have taken me on. I wish you a bright day and me, more of your ‘hope’.
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