Darkness to light

In this late summer night I see the moon wearing a Venetian mask; that is half shining bright and the other perfect half is in a darkness, which reflects my own tortured soul. Every morning when I get up; or even late at night, I feel this war rage on inside me, whether to dwell in the dark side of despair, or emerge into the light of hope. It is not the moon’s fault, as I know that it just being itself; and it is only my imagination that is attracted to its light, but is also drawn into its darkness at the same time. It feels my anguish; as I wander in the late night with the darkness surrounding me, and at the same time, it lights my path. I walk on towards my destination, even though I may have lost my way. We are pulled and attracted by the dark forces of hatred, bias, ignorance and greed and at the same time need to keep our balance and move towards compassion and knowledge. As Somerset Maugham pointed out that in life we always are walking on the razor’s edge, and nobody knows what we will decide to do in the end.
The forces of good and evil, of dark energy and light, battle on across the vast reaches of this universe; and we are pawns in their games. It is so easy to give in and take the easy path and having started on it, oftentimes there is no turning back. The try it once; becomes a second step, and then we are running well on our way to a place, we should never have even entered in the first place. We give in to sensual pleasures and delight in the orgies of the flesh; and life seems to be finally rewarding our wildest dreams, with more of what we crave. It is easy to justify that existence was meant to be this way; and even question as to why would God created these pleasures, if we are not meant to enjoy them. Excess is good and the more the merrier; as hedonistic lifestyles and depraved thinking become our motto, and life is an endless parade of days and night that provide even more fuel to quell our mortal fires.
As I walk across the park; I come upon a picnic table, on which a couple has left two identically filled cups with clear water and two straws sticking out, lit by a mercury lamp in the darkness. Now I am even more mystified; as what do these represent, on this dark night lit by a stage like beam. I realize that the clear water means that the two sides of my soul are pure and unblemished, and nothing can taint them. I may color them in darkness or light but at the end they will emerge again, just as they once were clear and receptive to whatever I want them to be. It is my karma that writes on the clarity and I make it dark or light by my actions; but there is always the path to return back to its original form, as the soul is timeless and cannot be burnt, cut, colored or be hot or cold. My pleasures and my despair do not affect it; and it is just there and while I live my life, it is only a cup that I am filling. At the end it will be left on this picnic table and others will not see the colors that I painted, as it will be clear again.
So I walk back to my apartment and a great weight has lifted from me; as the darkness and the light of being, do not trouble me anymore. My past actions do not have the consequence to control my present, as only I own this moment. I turn on the light and sit down to write this, for the clarity of the water needs to be explained to everyone. We have the choice to wipe the slate clean, and start over again. The noise of the past is no longer a roar in my mind and it is clear and pristine again. This present is the only life I know and those who recognize me for what I was, do not know me. I grapple with truth and seek the knowledge, which only a clear head can provide. The light must come from inside me, and I light my own way. I dance on the razor’s edge; with an abandon all alone, for who else is there to share my joy except my creator. If your inner feelings allow you; come jump up on this razor’s edge with me and live life fearlessly, for this is the cosmic dance that he created us for, and neither darkness nor light will affect us. He is, and he made us free to dance in his clear light.

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About Rajiv Kapoor

Rajiv Kapoor was born in New Delhi. He was educated by the Jesuits at St Xavier’s, and graduated with Honors, from The University of Delhi. Rajiv Kapoor did his MBA in International Business from Penn State and is now settled in the US. He has traveled across most states of India, when he was working on modernization of Rice Mills, and understands their diverse culture and history. This book is a historical fiction, dedicated to his city of birth. His extensive research dives deep into a critical moment, in India’s long history, for his latest Historical Thriller “The Peacock Throne Wars”..

3 thoughts on “Darkness to light

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