Life serves up patterns that we must decipher sometimes, to find out where we are going. Oftentimes I find myself trapped in a Déjà vu situation; where the same patterns keep appearing and I keep making the same mistakes again, and again. We are conditioned by our past to react in certain ways to situations and if it is a situation we have lived through before; oftentimes, our reactions will be the same. That is why they says that old habits, are the most difficult to break. We are offered a drink late in the evening and even though one knows one should walk away; one takes it and downs it, as what will one more matter after all the others.
It is only when we come to know ourselves well; that we can even try to break out of the cycle of bad habits, and not blame the circumstances for our plight. It is easy to say that because so and so did this; or so and so said that, we had to behave in a certain way in return. We have allowed ourselves to become so conditioned by our upbringing; that we do not even question how we react, to the emerging patterns of our lives. We step into them like novices; and repeat the same mistakes again and again, as if our life is a story, that has been foretold by our fate. We are so busy becoming that special something we aspire to be; that we forget, how to just be oneself. Others around can predict our actions and behaviors; and we continue to make a fool of ourselves being predictable, trustworthy and reliable in our actions and reactions, for their benefit.
I step out into a new pattern and look at it differently now. Even the old patterns now offer me something new, as I realize after much introspection that even though it looks the same, it is not inherently equal in all aspects. As the economists often preface their future predictions with the caveat “all other things remaining the same;” I now know that all other things will not remain the same, and it is a fallacy to expect them to even do so. Thus how can my life remain the same no matter how much I want it to be repeatable, and easy to navigate? I have to change and therein, I begin a new adventure. Everything is different now; and nothing I know or hold true, has any value any more. To take each moment and day as a new experience and to gain knowledge and joy from it, is life’s greatest gift to us. We continue to squander this time, at our own great peril.
We step on this earth which is itself hurtling through space at an incredible speed; and call it terra firma, though it is unpredictable and full of fury and life. We look up and recognize the stars that rule our lives; and they themselves are in a constant state of motion, and only our mind perceives them to be like the North Star, as always there for us and predictable. In our search for recognizable patterns; we distort our reality, and in so doing limit our own achievements. We own a home, car, possessions and live with our spouse and rear our children in most predictable ways; reading tomes on how to bring them up, and how to shape their lives for the better. We love predictability and dinner at 8 (or 7 or 9) with the family is repeated abanauseum till our ability to do so withers, but not our resolve. We value the material things; and the spiritual are left to wither in a forgotten heap, and revived on holy occasions, like the dusting of an old favorite book that one looks at nostalgically, when doing our chores. Even tradition and spirituality has been reduced to dogma and duty; and the joy has been drained out of what used to be a celebration, of happy occasions.
I now see an old pattern emerging and know instinctively, that it has been disastrous for me in the past. I have allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and allowed weakness and avoidance to take over, and lead me down an easy path. This time I step back and look at it again with new eyes. It is the same pattern, but I will take it on by the horns and wrestle it to its defeat. I will draw on the strength that has been buried below my habits; and release it to find a new opportunity, out of this failing pattern. I will walk without fear into it; and emerge victorious on the other side as nothing – not even me, will hold me back any more. I will relish the new experience and sing to the joys of its creation. I will be one with it and my life will not be a foreigner to me anymore, which is run by someone else’s remote control. This step I am about to embark on begins my new journey, of enjoying finding the real patterns within patterns. Patterns that I fold up like an origami paper into beautiful creatures, of my own desires. This life will no longer be wasted on the fear of what may or may not happen; but will be fruitful, in what I attempt to make of it. All I can say to my fellow travelers in this life; is that break that old pattern, and learn to live again. You are the pattern that makes the fiber of this universe; and all else is here only for you, and not you for it. Seize it; act on it and make of it what you want it to be, as it is the only pattern that we should live by.