The dream rises in my deepest sleep, and slowly unfolds into my semi-conscious mind; and colors my mind, in its strange red color. I know it is her color, as only she has brought it into my life; as it is the color of her desire, which also rises in the dream. I grasp it and love it, and play with it and then feel it slipping out of my fingers, like water, and it leaves a sorrow behind. It is the bereavement of parting and the more I cling to it, the more quickly, it slips away. It is her gift to me and I awake to a hollow sorrow, which leaves me wondering why she must always be just so.

I wake and try to smile as I have forsaken this past and have promised myself, that I will awake with a smile to a new reality. Her color and her desire wrap me in a cocoon of sorrow, as I know that what she has given to me is only transient. All our grasping and our indulgences and our desires are wrapped up in this wakening, as only she could have done this to me. I loved and lost, and now the joy of the mingling is to live on, only in my memories; and arise only, in my deepest dreams.

My smile is wider now, as the shadows fall away and the new day rises. I meditate on the now and seek the lethargy that was our love, and bask in the glow that was our color. Our love awakened our senses, to an ecstasy of evermore. Oh slowly I say to my mind, rise slowly and let me enjoy this moment before the universe rushes in. All my yesterdays have now arrived at this pinnacle of realization, that without her I am nothing, and yet with her; I was less than nothing, for she had long ago become my everything.

The sounds of the birds outside wanders into my consciousness and the music of this universe starts to sing its daily song. I know that I must rise soon and forsake this bed and all it held dear. Who would have thought that the passion would fade and the desires banked and our color fade, when it seemed to be the only gift of life. This primordial desire was quenched and then rose again and was satisfied again in a circle of life. Now I reach out and my companion is gone and I find that there is only emptiness, where there had been everything.

My reality awakes and I step out into the day and the color of the morning is yellow, as the red fades back into the night. I want to mingle with this new day as I know it is all I have now, but something holds me back as if I await a sign. I will not let myself be dragged into the past of sorrow and will also not let the fear of the uncertain future, confound me. I step away from that bed but cannot give up the glory of that love. or the fulfillment of all the desires, as only she walked on that lonely path with me.

I rejoice in what I have lost as such is life and all it gives to us. If not for her I would not have known the joys of this life and if not for her, there would not have been the yesterdays of my dreams. Why she has moved on, I cannot say; and why I remain trapped in this endless sorrow, I cannot say. All I know is that love once was and now I am trying to rekindle that which no longer exists. I laugh aloud at this comedy of existence and worship her again, as my life was only for the unfolding of her love. While she has moved on, I am yet alive and will hold dear even the memories, of what once was. I walk alone into happiness, with the hope; that someday she will follow, and we will walk as one again.

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”
― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

“We see that these people who are having the successful marriages, who are idealizing, are really very forgiving in how they attribute problems,” Dale Griffin psychologist at UBC said. His finding is that partners who idealize their spouses to a certain extent, have happier marriages.

We all know that love is a powerful equation, as when we love someone; we also idealize that person, and as a consequence, we will not attribute our negative feelings to that person. The kid who is noisy and disruptive and who is not ours, is considered rowdy and undisciplined, and if ours then will be considered enthusiastic and intelligent. We forgive our kids more readily and will often seek to provide compassion and love, when we find they are unhappy. The same can be said for our spouses, as when we are in love; we will attribute any short comings in our marriage, to other factors, and not blame our spouse as vehemently.

Dale’s carried out his study over five years with newlyweds, he found that normally the level of satisfaction steadily deteriorated, over the years for a lot of the couples. It was only the idealistic spouses who ignored their spouse’s shortcomings, who continued to be happier as time progressed. While we must live with facts and face reality, to be successful in life, it is not the same in our relationships. Being overly factual and ground in reality actually may cause relationships to deteriorate, as a little bit of hope, imagination and dreams are required for true bliss.

Based on these findings I want to raise the pedestal on which I put my spouse. It is now my deep belief that if I would only idealize her some more, then our marriage will be even better. In a world of stark and grim reality, I have been too rigid and have allowed her to be confined, to the dark dungeon that has become our home. It is high time that I removed the cobwebs of my mind and allowed the clear light of faith to shine on our relationship. She is not to blame for my unhappiness but instead she is the bedrock of my current and future happiness. I cannot forgive a fact, but I can definitely love and forgive my soul companion. We must add humor and remove hardheadedness to be happy.

So the solution is not in living in a real world where relationships are concerned, but to live in an idealistic world. Give your imagination some string and let it fly. Chose a little humor, some compassion and love, and the weight of the relationship will lessen. The weight on your shoulders will go away, and the hate that clouds of your judgment, will be removed. A simple touch will become electric, and a spoken word becomes an opening to much better communication both physically and emotionally. Fight if you must, but at the end learn to forgive and forget.

I can see the clouds of doubt lifting from my eyes and the hate and my long held distaste melts into the ether. She is like a goddess and I am like her god, and we are on the path to eternal happiness. I love the ground she walks on, and that is enough for now. There is a happiness that envelops us and we are on a path that grows brighter every day. I forgive my past hurts and am one with the present and start again, as each day a new relationship blossoms. Love is not enhanced by carrying the destruction of the past hurts like a loadstone, but instead by trusting our partner will help us make a better life. I reach for her, but she is already on the pedestal now, so our happiness grows and all is well again. Fifty shades of brightness appear before my my eyes, as I look up lovingly, and see my spouse in this new light of knowledge.