Slicing through the water I swam the lap and headed to the far wall, in an effort to get my much needed exercise. Lately I have noticed that it is easier to make an excuse; than to actually get started on being active, and get the right amount of exercise. The evening walk is no longer brisk but a casual stroll, and far from the running of my youth. The laps are no longer vigorous, and more of an easy loping style that just gets the work done; and passes the time, giving the illusion of keeping in shape. No longer is the body one big muscle joined to the bones; but it is more a case of bones that are barely moved by the fatigued muscles, with odd joint pains and strange strains appearing out of the blue. The occasional instances when I revive the drive to live a healthier life; the efforts are more subdued and the gains not as pronounced, as they used to be in my youth.
I remember in the old days I could run for miles and swim for hours; and come out feeling not tired, but refreshed. As the fat and muscles were burnt; they would also allow the brain to release hormones, and one would get a feeling of euphoria and well being on emerging from the field or the pool. Wikipedia says “The endocrine system is the system of glands, each of which secretes different types of hormones directly into the bloodstream (some of which are transported along nerve tracts to maintain homeostasis.” The body is a chemical and electrical composition and its functioning is mysterious to most of us; and we only feel the effects of what we do and it is these chemical releases that affect our nervous system, and our overall sense of well being and health. When we do certain physical activities; it promotes the release of these chemicals, and it directly affects our nervous system and our moods and disposition. The runners “high” or the pleasure of a long walk; are not just figments of our imagination but actually are physical phenomena, which the body has learnt over its evolution.
In early evolution the job of hunting and the training of the young ones to travel many miles for finding a meal; or the sudden sprint for survival, were potent forces that made us what we are today. The feeling of flee or fight are primordial; and happen at a lightning speed and instinctively, just like when we spy a snake in our path. The brain has survival secrets built in; and often time responses happen even before we consciously become aware, of the actual danger or lack of it (discovering it is a rope and not a snake). The heart pumps more blood and the muscles taunt up to flee or attack, even before we can think about the situation. When we take in food or drink we often talk about its aphrodisiac property, or its energy giving capacity, or its ability to reduce our inhibitions, or its ability to intoxicate and provide feelings of euphoria and well being. The whole pharmaceutical and health industry has been studying these chemicals and their affects for centuries now; and a good doctor will combine the medicines, with a good dose of advice on active life styles to keep us healthy. Attitude and resolve has been often found to be the difference between a survivor and a deceased person; in their response to a biological or chemical attack, to their body.
Our ability to survive not only depends on our ability to find the right medicine; but also in our ability to bring about a positive attitude that will help release the right hormones and chemicals, so that the body can do the work of healing itself. A morose or ill person who gives up the desire to fight, will waste away and another person with a positive attitude will take the actions, required to recover from such a similar attack. It is all in these minute amount of chemicals that the body produces, in response to the actions we take. When we meditate and still the mind; and allow it to be quite all we are doing is allowing the body and mind not to get distracted and stressed, from our external stimuli. We are allowing ourselves the time and the energy to focus on what is important for our soul. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind, but the reverse is even truer. It is our mind that we need to nurture and it will promote well being and give us the energy; to take the much needed exercise, or do the right physical things without distractions. We are often overcome by anxiety and negative feedback loops; that leave us feeling stupid, ugly, fat, weak, and helpless or whatever else we may condition ourselves to be, and it is only quiet contemplation that will allow us to resurface from this negativity and start on the path of healing and self-actualization.
Thus the next time that you feel a lack of energy or feel that life is not treating you well take a brisk walk, and clear your mind. Let the release of Adrenaline or Dopamine do its magic automatically; and you will feel refreshed and ready, to take on any challenge. When your partner or boss berates you for the nth time regarding a task not done or a chore not performed; let these positive releases energize you and you will find the tasks and chores completed in no time, and you can move on to building that healthy relationship that you secretly crave. We are after all the masters of our own destiny; and just a minute dose of the right hormone, goes a long way in achieving what we need. The high achievers are constantly pumped up and in a positive spin cycle; where each action fuels the next, till others around them consider them supermen or super women. They attract others like themselves, and as a result are in a positive feedback loop that propels them into ever higher realms.
So when life has thrown that oddball at you and you find yourself backed into a hopeless solution; and are lost and helpless, let your mind go to a quiet place. Do not let the stress of seeing the snake overwhelm you, into paralysis or inaction. Allow the mind and body to come up with the appropriate response, and move on. Nothing is holding you back except for yourself. As you climb that unconquered mountain; the strength will come to you, and the will to reach the summit will prevail. The mind and body are mysteries that even the wise sages could not explain. All we have to do is live our life to its fullest and the rewards should not be the goal, but just the feeling of euphoria that we get from taking the right action will be our own reward. It is when you stand on the top of the peak and feel that elation of mind and spirit; that you will know that the next higher mountain will be even easier to conquer, and you will become happier and fulfilled.

Pattern of life

Life serves up patterns that we must decipher sometimes, to find out where we are going. Oftentimes I find myself trapped in a Déjà vu situation; where the same patterns keep appearing and I keep making the same mistakes again, and again. We are conditioned by our past to react in certain ways to situations and if it is a situation we have lived through before; oftentimes, our reactions will be the same. That is why they says that old habits, are the most difficult to break. We are offered a drink late in the evening and even though one knows one should walk away; one takes it and downs it, as what will one more matter after all the others.
It is only when we come to know ourselves well; that we can even try to break out of the cycle of bad habits, and not blame the circumstances for our plight. It is easy to say that because so and so did this; or so and so said that, we had to behave in a certain way in return. We have allowed ourselves to become so conditioned by our upbringing; that we do not even question how we react, to the emerging patterns of our lives. We step into them like novices; and repeat the same mistakes again and again, as if our life is a story, that has been foretold by our fate. We are so busy becoming that special something we aspire to be; that we forget, how to just be oneself. Others around can predict our actions and behaviors; and we continue to make a fool of ourselves being predictable, trustworthy and reliable in our actions and reactions, for their benefit.
I step out into a new pattern and look at it differently now. Even the old patterns now offer me something new, as I realize after much introspection that even though it looks the same, it is not inherently equal in all aspects. As the economists often preface their future predictions with the caveat “all other things remaining the same;” I now know that all other things will not remain the same, and it is a fallacy to expect them to even do so. Thus how can my life remain the same no matter how much I want it to be repeatable, and easy to navigate? I have to change and therein, I begin a new adventure. Everything is different now; and nothing I know or hold true, has any value any more. To take each moment and day as a new experience and to gain knowledge and joy from it, is life’s greatest gift to us. We continue to squander this time, at our own great peril.
We step on this earth which is itself hurtling through space at an incredible speed; and call it terra firma, though it is unpredictable and full of fury and life. We look up and recognize the stars that rule our lives; and they themselves are in a constant state of motion, and only our mind perceives them to be like the North Star, as always there for us and predictable. In our search for recognizable patterns; we distort our reality, and in so doing limit our own achievements. We own a home, car, possessions and live with our spouse and rear our children in most predictable ways; reading tomes on how to bring them up, and how to shape their lives for the better. We love predictability and dinner at 8 (or 7 or 9) with the family is repeated abanauseum till our ability to do so withers, but not our resolve. We value the material things; and the spiritual are left to wither in a forgotten heap, and revived on holy occasions, like the dusting of an old favorite book that one looks at nostalgically, when doing our chores. Even tradition and spirituality has been reduced to dogma and duty; and the joy has been drained out of what used to be a celebration, of happy occasions.

I now see an old pattern emerging and know instinctively, that it has been disastrous for me in the past. I have allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and allowed weakness and avoidance to take over, and lead me down an easy path. This time I step back and look at it again with new eyes. It is the same pattern, but I will take it on by the horns and wrestle it to its defeat. I will draw on the strength that has been buried below my habits; and release it to find a new opportunity, out of this failing pattern. I will walk without fear into it; and emerge victorious on the other side as nothing – not even me, will hold me back any more. I will relish the new experience and sing to the joys of its creation. I will be one with it and my life will not be a foreigner to me anymore, which is run by someone else’s remote control. This step I am about to embark on begins my new journey, of enjoying finding the real patterns within patterns. Patterns that I fold up like an origami paper into beautiful creatures, of my own desires. This life will no longer be wasted on the fear of what may or may not happen; but will be fruitful, in what I attempt to make of it. All I can say to my fellow travelers in this life; is that break that old pattern, and learn to live again. You are the pattern that makes the fiber of this universe; and all else is here only for you, and not you for it. Seize it; act on it and make of it what you want it to be, as it is the only pattern that we should live by.

My breathing was shallow, my mind was running at full throttle and my body distracted with the pleasures, aches and pains of living; and I realized that the guru’s teachings were beyond me, to implement in this state. I needed to take those deep breaths and quite the restless mind and relax the body, if I wanted to attain a meditative state and this was not the place or time for it, as desire and craving were driving me wild. I needed to get into the light of the soul and only then would the lotus within me open and reveal the serenity of the moment. I remembered the story of the two brothers Banta and Santa and their quest for what they had lost.
It was a dark night and Santa was returning home when he came to a street light and was angry to see his brother Banta crawling around on all fours in the dust under the light, getting his beautiful white clothes all soiled up in the process. He yelled at Banta and said “Oh Bantaya what are you doing crawling around on the street in the mud and getting all dirty. You know Ma is going to get mad, as she keeps saying what an idiot you are. Now come on and listen to me as she has always said I am so much smarter than you; and get up and let us go home to Mom, as it is past dinner time.”
Banta looked up at Santa and said that he was looking for his lost rupees and why couldn’t Santa help him find them. Hearing about the Money; Santa also got down and started crawling around, looking for the dropped money. After 10 minutes of crawling and looking everywhere he told Banta, “This is quite hopeless, I have looked everywhere but I do not see it anywhere, and now all of my clothes are as dirty as yours. Are you sure you dropped it here?” By now Santa was hungrier and even angrier at Banta for delaying them.
Banta looked at him innocently and said “Of course I didn’t drop it here Santya, I dropped it back in the dark field but it is too dark to look there now, so I am looking here under the light where I can see much better. Do you think I am idiot to do the hard work to look around in the dark?” This made Santa get up in anger and he was truly furious now, “Banta, mom was right that you are an idiot, get up right now and let us go home and eat dinner you moron. I will make it much easier for you to find it tomorrow”
Banta reluctantly brushed himself off mournfully looking one last time around for his lost sum and as they walked away he asked Santa, “Santa, If you think you are so much smarter than me, how do you plan to make it easier to find my money tomorrow?”
Santa puffed out his chest and thinking aloud said “We will go home and eat and drink our fill and sleep well tonight and don’t worry. Tomorrow when the sun comes up and it is nice and bright and we are refreshed and less tired, we will look for it again dear Banta. I will even save you this long trip; as in the bright light of day we can look for it right outside the house, and won’t even have to tire ourselves and travel this far from home.”
Banta was duly impressed and said “Santya I agree with mom; that you were so much smarter than me, why can’t I be more intelligent and think more like you and save us all this trouble? You can always find the easy path for us.”
The moral of the story is that true knowledge is hidden in the dark recesses of the soul and we need inner faith to find it, and oftentimes a good guru can pass the flame on to us. It is a hard path to walk on; and in finding ourselves we will discover the whole of creation, and then we can pass the torch to the next generation. We should not be distracted by the so called smart ones who are seeking for it in an external light. Their intellectual path may seem easier but it will only leads us deeper into the manifold manifestations of Maya.

The limits of human endurance are not defined by the body alone and it is the power of our minds that determine how far we can go. The body is often weak and needs training and dedicated effort, to realize its own strength. Many years ago I remember a time when my cousin and I were stuck at a monsoon landslide in the local bus; on the way to Dalhousie and asked the local Himachali paharia (The state of Himachal Pradesh’s mountain man), how far was it to walk. He said that it was not too far and said as there was no idea how long the road repair would take, he planned to walk up the mountain paths to his village that was close to Dalhousie. Having found a guide we also decided to lumber our luggage on to our shoulders and trek up the mountain paths following him to our summer home.
It was still late morning when we started following the long strides of the paharia and the views were beautiful, as we climbed one hill then descended into a valley and then climbed up the next hill and the grade would get steeper progressively, and we kept on going. After four hours of walking my legs were getting sore and there was no sight of Dalhousie on the horizon. The Afternoon passed into evening and we passed many beautiful villages where only the stray dogs barked at our approach, and the life had probably not changed here for millenniums. The people were friendly and smiled and often exchanged news with our guide, as we continued our climb up the mountains. We passed beautiful streams and fields carved out of the hillsides and saw cows and sheep grazing on the meadows, attended by young boys and women working in the fields in their colorful costumes. The men walked upright in their white clothes often carrying heavy bundles with an easy gate; that just ate up the miles of the paths that we climbed on, as they passed us cheerfully, as I was clearly struggling to keep up.
Evening turned to dusk and we approached the village of the man who was our guide. When we asked him how far it was to Dalhousie he pointed optimistically up the hill, and said you are not too far now and it is just over the next hill above. I told my cousin that we are better off just spending the night at this village; as I was exhausted and my legs had turned to lead, and would not move another step. The Pahari just laughed and said that I was just fine and would make it easily, as we had done most of the long walk already. At the urging of my cousin we trudged on and dusk soon turned to night and still the elusive lights of Dalhousie did not appear above up on the hill top. We went down another short valley and climbed into a pine forest which was a welcome sign, as I knew that Dalhousie was above the line of the pine trees. Each step by now had become something my body would not take; and my poor feet protested in pain, as we passed another village and I was ready to crawl into a hut and sleep.
The smell of the pine and the feel of the needles on the path kept me going, as my cousin refused to yield and insisted we continue on our quest to get home. The light packing by now seemed like a heavy boulder across my back and any light we saw, gave hope that civilization was just around the next corner. In the night a man came down the path and gave us the good news that Sadar Bazaar, was just past the next hill. This was the lower market of the town and it cheered me up; and my strides became longer and the struggle a little easier, as we crested another hill and saw the lights of the Bazar on the top of the next hill. It was a welcome sight and now I was determined that we should sleep there once we got to the bazaar, as I knew that our house in Middle Bakrota hill was still a few miles away and another long climb.
We found one straggling shop still open and ate quickly and I was happy to sit on the hard wooden bench and consume whatever the man served us in his little shop, on the wooden table made of planks. The food tasted so fresh and tasty and even the cool spring water was a welcome relief. This I reflected was the perfect place; and dreamed the welcome thought of clearing the table and just curling up and passing into a deep sleep, soon as the meal was over. The food obviously revived my cousin more than me and he paid the cook and owner and shouldered up his pack and dragged me off to start the final ascent despite all my protests, complaining that I couldn’t possibly walk another step after the arduous and harrowing experience that we had just gone through. Mercilessly he just headed on up the bazar’s winding lanes and I had little choice but to follow.
We passed Charing Cross and the convent after climbing out of the bowls of the bazaar and then took the relatively flat but ill lit road on the warm side of the next hill and our strides were longer on the asphalt, as we were back in our elements. Being in more familiar territory gave me barely enough strength to keep moving; and we reached the post office and Gandhi Chownk and the library, where I had read To kill a mocking bird just two years ago. We took the road up to middle Bakrotta and the last couple of miles; as we knew this area by heart and each turn of the road and each house on this hill, had a history and familiarity that only the old Punjab town dwellers knew. We are the children of this town and now the weight of the journey was not heavy, as we are headed home again. Eventually we crossed Feroze Villa and then Chimney’s old house and there finally after countless hours; below us was the twinkling light of the upper left flat, of Ganga and Tej Niwas.
We climbed down the pathway to the house and there we were welcomed by the eldest Khanna clan member as he sternly asked “Where have you two boys been and why are you turning up so late in the night? The bus arrived at the Agency hours ago and Chattru the caretaker came back saying you were not on the bus? These kind of shenanigans may be allowed by your loving parents but I will not tolerate such lose behavior in our house.” He then proceeded to graciously offer us another meal which we gladly consumed; as he roused Chattru from his quarters below, to come and make our beds. We slunk off to our rooms after the delicious meal and heard him muttering to himself about spoiled brats; who have no sense of hard work, or how life must be lived. Weaklings, who have no moral fiber left in their bodies, and are spoiled to no end by their doting parents. In his times things were different and men were men and acted responsibly and did not go wandering aimlessly in hill sides in the middle of the night. He would have to talk to his sisters as these spoiled soft boys, would not come to any good end, at the rate they were going.
We crossed over to our flat across the connecting walkway in the other building; glad to get away from our uncle and just the fear of his authority, as the head of our clan. Chattru had found and unrolled the bed rolls left by my mother and made our beds on the cots and the white sheets and the woolen comforter was a welcome sight. I took off my shoes and felt the blisters that did not look all that pretty in the low voltage hilly light. Changing into cleaner clothes I washed my face in the cold mountain water and brushed. My cousin talked about heading to Khajjiar which was only a 20 mile or more hike to get away tomorrow, and I snorted in disdain at the suggestion. I climbed into bed just glad that I was alive and had made it home; and pushed the thoughts of the next hike just over the next hill into the future, and passed into a blissful and deep sleep.

The war for STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) talent is being taken to new heights. I was amazed at the extremely high (stratospheric, unprecedented) prices that Silicon Valley and other high tech companies were paying; for small of unheard start ups, that suddenly command billion dollar valuations. I remained puzzled by these phenomena; as it made no sense at all to pay for these unheard of companies with negligible revenues and profits, which some venture fund was supporting out of small offices with smaller staffs. Then I read Vivek Wadhwah of Duke’s article and realized that these are actually “acqui-hires.” They are paying ridiculously high prices for top talent as they are starved for innovation and bright people. He went to explain that “According to the National Science Foundation, only 37,000 Americans graduate each year with a bachelor’s degree in computer science and another 10,000 with a master’s degree. Moreover, the Conference Board calculates, that there are roughly four job openings for every unemployed computer worker.”

His much earlier research based on sheer number of engineering graduates; had pointed to the demise of the Indian IT industry, and that the next Goliath would be China with its huge numbers of graduates, and the US will do fine. He has found that the ground reality is quite different; as when he got out of his ivory tower and in his words, “Data may say it’s a sunny day, but you need to open the window to make sure that it isn’t actually raining.… Subsequent research that I performed by traveling to India, China and Silicon Valley revealed that India’s IT industry was booming, China’s graduates could not innovate and U.S. tech centers were starved for engineering talent.” He also found that contrary to popular belief of folks opposing immigration reform on the ground that immigrants reduce wages, steal American STEM graduate’s jobs, and do not add value in the US; that “immigrants founded 52 percent of Silicon Valley’s technology companies and contributed disproportionately to the patents filed by leading tech companies such as Qualcomm (72 percent) and Cisco (60 percent).” With the severe reduction in allowing immigrant graduate students to study and stay on in the US; we find a brain drain and companies are increasingly forced to move their research and development centers abroad, to chase the fleeing talent. It is proving to be a boon for the countries that welcome and groom this talent; as the innovation and new centers of creativity develop with these entrepreneurs, pole vaulting them into the new economy.
As a nation of immigrants we have had alternate waves of protectionism and liberalization, over the past two centuries. When immigrants are welcomed, they work harder to make a place in society; and compete with the existing population, for jobs and opportunities. When the opportunities are not there then they create new opportunities; just to survive, and innovation and creativity flourish. While the big unions and majority of the middle class may find this an attack on their status quo; and their hard earned positions, they are actually holding their own future to ransom. America needs to evolve; and grow out of the doldrums and the only thing that drives this is human ingenuity and talent. Turning the spigot off on new talent; to protect the current state, will only lead to a downward spiral as productivity will stay the same, and eventually decline. When Bill Clinton signed NAFTA a huge vacuum cleaner, sucked a lot of manufacturing jobs across the border to Mexico and Canada. When China signed the WTO, a bigger suction pump pulled more jobs to their huge factories and abundant cheap labor. The net effect is that US GDP still grew; along with that of its major trade partners, and prosperity spread. Bush and the conservatives wanted to build a huge wall on the Mexican border to stop the illegals from crossing over; and we can look back in history to the other Great Wall in China built at a great cost, which did not stop the greatest empire from falling and the Manchu’s from ruling it. Misguided ideas waste resources, time and human talent; in building the tower of Babel, instead of the highways to the future.
American ingenuity and innovation has just bought us a century of energy; from shale oil and natural gas, in an abundance unimaginable in the dark Carter years. GE the poster child and bellwether for the American economy; today derives a majority of its revenue, income and innovation from its global operations. GM is now so embedded in China that their car sales there will outstrip their American sales, and the same is the case with many other multinationals. America remains the largest economy in the world, but it is only a matter of time; before they will be overtaken, and it is up to the leaders of our corporations and politicians to make a brave new world. The future is bright only if we stay open and allow bright young people to come to our shores, and share in our prosperity. Growth comes from new cultures and thoughts bringing renewal, to the old. Each new immigrant will contribute in his or her way, and make the next Google or be the next Einstein. We only have to provide the opportunities and society will benefit from new ideas, innovative thinking, creative problem solving, breakthroughs in new technical fields and continued leadership in the global markets and pave the way to new horizons unknown to us today; and all the naysayers will be left stuck in their hard-line positions. I am only an immigrant and know nothing of the American Psyche; except I would hate to see the hard working people around me, led astray from their destiny, by the regressive ideas of some conservative leaders. We must remain the leaders by riding this beast of innovation’s rising spiral; or resign ourselves to the fate of being consigned to history’s forgotten civilizations.

Above me the skies are blue interspersed with myriad patterns of clouds lit up into strange hues by the setting sun. I walk barefoot across the grass looking up at the wondrous vista; and do not mind the spray from the sprinklers, as they shower me with drops that feel cool on my warm skin. I realize that I have nowhere to go; and no one to meet, and this moment is all for me, and my world is this spray colored by the fading sun like a prism into the vibgyor colors of the rainbows. Life is plain and simple; and I do not know why we try to make it so complicated with our phobias, perceived needs and complicated relationships. The most enduring concepts of human existence; can be reduced to a minimalist approach, much like the US constitution that our 40 wise founding fathers signed, and is all of 33 small pages (with all the subsequent amendments included) that fits into my back pocket. It is a miniature book and is thinner than my wallet, I have to carry around to keep my identity as a person.
‘Forming a more perfect Union’ to ‘secure the Blessings of Liberty for ourselves and our Posterity’ are simple yet powerful words and all 44 presidents have gone on to ‘establish justice’ and ‘promote the general welfare’ each in his own way, backed by the legislative and judicial arms of the government. Today the 50 states are provided a ‘common defense’ and enjoy a level of prosperity protected by the Constitution. It does not take long to read the whole constitution and its VII articles; nor does it take much more time to read all the 27 amendments (the last one took 202 years from proposal to enactment), that have been passed in two subsequent centuries. Their power lies in their simplicity and even when all is said and done the constitution still retains its power with the opening words of ‘We the people of the United States’ and does not reduce the peoples’ ‘immunities and privileges’.
The Declaration of Independence which preceded it was unambiguous on these personal rights when it stated “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” So now I walk barefoot on the grass, uninhibited in a state that allows me to be free to pursue my dreams; with all the immunities possible, and I have the free use of the privilege of being a citizen.We must take up the path of compassion and bring happiness to the huddled masses. Education and knowledge remain the first step to self actualization and we need to ensure that each child is given the this choice, to learn to walk on this path. The future is for them and we are only the means to provide it.
The sun has long set while I wrote this and a brilliant full moon has risen, and I look down and see two shadows cast on the side walk. One shadow is from the moon and the other from the mercury street lamp; and I realize that I similarly have two duties to fulfill in this life, one to my creator, and the other to my fellow citizens. The rights they have given me, are also privileges, to lead a higher life and to be myself. My freedom to pursue happiness is not constrained by these laws; as they are an aid, for natural and human laws must be obeyed, in a civil society. There is still much I can accomplish and more I can contribute to life and liberty, by following my inner calling. I will not let dogmas, prejudices and bigotry to cloud my mind and only allow the clear light of reason, perseverance, and being here now, become my mantra for success. I start my journey to my goals refreshed; and hope to gather other kindred spirits along the way, as together we can be a force for greater good, much more than what we can each accomplish apart.

All my life I have allowed external stimuli to define me as a person. The burden of other’s opinions and criticisms have grown till I am now bowed down by the weight of a heavy boulder, that I carry everywhere. First it was my parents and then it became the opinions of sanctimonious aunts and uncles sprouting forth on my abilities, or lack of them. In school, college and university it was my teachers, my fellow students and the system of exams and results that defined my life as a student. On graduation it was society that compared my achievements to my peers, and found me lacking in initiative and drive. With marriage came my wife and in-laws who set their own standards, of what my character and economic worth should be. At work it was my bosses and my peers and the evaluation systems that drove me to despair from becoming the top dog in the pony show. Today I look at the stranger in the mirror and find a zephyr, a bland entity that has become less than nothing in relevance to the universe around me. I have built these protective walls around me, myself; to ward off all the external assaults, and find that I have become a prisoner in my own life.
Nauseated by my inner squalor; I step out for a breath of fresh air, and the vista of the predawn sky draws me by the beauty of the clouds and the rising glow in the east. Encouraged by the beauty I raise my arms to the heavens and shrug this heavy weight off my shoulders. I realize that creation defined me once on birth; and then set me free to become, whatever I want to be. I hear the shackles crack; as I walk on towards the rising sun, and my shoulders no longer droop but are upright again. I feel the vibrancy of the universe in me; and slowly feel the rise of a longing to be free, to live again. I am suddenly alone, and all the other experts and critics I put back in their righteous place. I breathe again the fresh smell of this earth; and hear the birds sing and see the flowers bloom, and my soul awakens to his new day. I resolve to live this day on my own terms; as the life force is still strong and all I need to do is live by my values, and let it explode. I realize that life may be low now, but I am high with new expectations, of what only I can achieve. I resolve to expand this breach in my self-made walls and live freely again; to revitalize myself, and make creation proud for having given me this miraculous chance.